The Need to Laugh

I have been dealing with a difficult situation at work. It involves adult, developmentally disabled clients, who have two young children that they are unable to care for.
The two children are my clients. They are at risk for being developmentally disabled too, given their parents, and my job is to advocate for them.
This week I advocated for a nearly two year old, and a newborn as they were removed from their parents and placed in foster care.
I visited the older child in the hospital, hooked to an IV and sleeping alone in the metal crib. I wanted to run out the door with that little one and never look back. I left the hospital and cried. I cried again today.
I think about my clients, who have rights to be parents, who have rights to live in our community. I think about me, and my fellow women who so furiously fight to have a child, and I cry at the unfairness of it all. I cry because in a different world I would have the money to have another. I would have started earlier, perhaps before my tubes were shot, before I could not have a child without spending 15K to start, or 2K now.
All the thought that goes into someone like me having a child. What me, and my sisters in being a single mom by choice (because their was no Mr. Right in sight) have had to endure in their quest to become mothers. I think about the innocence of my developmentally disabled mother who keeps procreating to have her girl, who if her procreating continues will likely have her removed too.
Yes, my clients are safe for now.
Yes, I should be at peace, I should not be sad at the irony of it all.
But I am.
And I think about Aidan, who asks for a sister at least once a week.
Who said to me this morning after I washed his face with a baby wipe in the car before school
"Mommy! you make me frustrated!"
This family makes me frustrated.
As I shut the car door, I could see him talking to me still. He was mad, and saying probably naughty things as I watched him protest. I laughed to myself at what he said, then decided to make him laugh too. I snuck over to his side of the car, and jumped up and said hello through the window.
He covered his eyes and pretended not to see me.
I did it again.
He covered his eyes again.
As I moved to various places behind the window, I could see that I transformed his anger to laughter. I could see his face trying not to show me that he was laughing.
Finally he succomed. He opened his eyes, looked at me and laughed with his whole body.
As he did, and older man walked by, and smiled at our antics...

I thought about this when I was crying today from my frustration with this family...I wish I had someone to turn my anger and sadness to laughter....
Perhaps knowing that what is happening is right, is my only solace.