Independence

How is it that I am nearly 44 years old, and I am so hopelessly inexperienced with this living together/relationship stuff?
Is that what you are supposed to do, get married when you are young and malleable? Is it that simple? you have less experience doing it alone when you are younger, plus you have less stuff?
But I was really good alone.
I am used to being alone.
I am used to my silly routine, my chatterbox child, my dog who wants to go outside then in, in an endless succession throughout the day. I miss my quiet mind and the comfort of my home. I am struggling with how to do this, how to live with someone and do my day to day together. It feels so forced and uncomfortable right now.
I have to negotiate.
I have to think of someone else.
I have to wonder if what I do will be okay.
It is not just me anymore.
I have to get used to this. Just like Kevin has to get used to my old dog, Rigley's annoying habits, Aidan's chatter, and the way Aidan argues with me like no one else.
I must pull all of my faith and trust that this will work despite us, a couple of independent middle aged folks who are forging a life together after nearly 10 years of living alone. I often say that he has a lot more to get used to than me. But I think we both have things to adjust to,
and it is hard.
I have moved away from my independence.
I have moved away from Aidan and I alone.
I am getting farther and father away from the single mother I have been, the single mother who was forging a life without a man.
This is all I have known in my short life with Aidan.
All I know is independence,
all I know is just deciding to take life into my own hands, and just do it.
But it is different now,
and I am so incredibly uncomfortable as I forge a life with Kevin, together with the me that needs to trust in togetherness,
and the strength of our relationship.