I coasted through this weekend, the weekend after our fabulous Chicago trip. Kev and I connected again as partners, lovers and friends, while Aidan hung out with his best friend from pre-school. It was truly wonderful, and so needed.
This week we had Aidan's IEP. I brought the neuropsychologist who assessed him and my old boss and dear friend Kathy as my advocate, and we hashed out accommodations and plans for the upcoming school year. It went well, and I am pleased. But I must say that it is so strange and disconcerting that my child has an IEP. (even though I am so happy that he does!)
This week I finally discussed with my doctor my options since this last failed "non invasive" treatment for my gynecological issues. After a long discussion about my disinterest in more hormone therapy, and my desire to "take it all out" once and for all after all this time, she agreed with me. My hysterectomy is scheduled for June 1, 2011. I am having a hysterectomy. Wow.
The neuropsychologist talked of the neurological insult from Aidan's premature and difficult delivery. The impact of this on his diagnosis, and of course my ADHD when I was a kid, since it runs in families. I knew this of course.
I think of what I endured to have Aidan. Choosing single motherhood, grieving the loss of the white picket fence and Mr. Right, losing my fertility, and my a high- risk, difficult pregnancy, and premature delivery. I think about this, all the while knowing deep down that my beautiful, sweet boy had a little something "extra" all along. I knew it in my gut, but was so afraid to admit it.
School problems were my biggest fear.
ADHD was my deepest worry.
But deeper than that was my worry that I would never have a child.
But I did, and as I sit here contemplating his educational goals, his diagnosis and what that all means, I realize how far I have come.
My son has ADHD, like I did. and unlike me, he was diagnosed at 6, and not 9. I refused to wait until the social damage was done, like it was for me. Funny how even in my state of denial I knew what was best for my son.
I guess this was to be-to have my one beautiful son, before it was too late, and fight for what he needs, with the knowledge and love that only a mother, and expert at IEP's as a professional counselor has.
Could this be my fate?
Could God have given me the child I wanted so desperately, who at times seems so much like me?
I think so.
And it is so good.
1 comment:
Some parents see themselves in their children and this drives them to keep their distance in the relationship. Other parents, like you, see parts of themselves and reach out with true compassion and understanding that no one else has. Your son is very fortunate indeed.
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