Bullies and bullshit

I knew something was up towards the end of last week. As Aidan and I laid there together after our evening book reading, I questioned him on what was going on.
After some prodding Aidan said with exasperation: "mom, there is too much to tell you." I wrangled this information in my brain and with with what to do with such words coming from my son. I thought about it for a second and said "okay, honey, since there is so much, why don't you tell me three of the things."
Someone called him stupid. A dumb-dumb, weird, and a girl. All those horrible words to a 6 year old heart that has never heard them before. I asked him who said these things, and of course it was the bully C, who I had heard other parents talking about. This is the kid who is mean and bullies others, who is the ringleader that kids are afraid of. I had heard other moms call him "the little shit."
After Aidan want to sleep I talked with Kevin about what happened and cried a lot. I know what bullying is personally because it happened to me, and a lot. I could see that my sweet and beautiful son was loosing a bit of his spirit in all this, and I was angry and so so sad.
The next morning Aidan was coloring, and drew a picture of two boys with the following coming out of one their mouths "Dude, did you know that he is gay?" This boy on the page was calling my son gay. My emotional response inside was powerful and painful, like I had been kicked in the gut. I kept myself in check and asked in a pseudo-calm voice "oh really? so what does gay mean?" "Aidan's answer was even more painful: "gay means you don't have any friends, which is what they say to me all the time."
I asked him who was saying these things, and again he told me it was C, (aka: the little shit)and two others. My heart sank, and my anger flared.
I met with the teacher, who met with the teacher of the other two kids. The kids were talked to. The principal got involved, and parents got called. Aidan's teacher had the picture he drew, and ironically another parent had complained to the teacher that same morning about C calling her son a bitch and gay as well. These boys are 6 for Pete's sake!
Some of Aidan's social skill issues came to light in all of this. The two boys (not C) did not want to play with him; Aidan who seemed to insert himself unwanted into their activities, then wanted them to do what HE wanted. They did not know what to say, so they called him names to get him to leave. Never mind that one of these boys was his pal in Kindergarten, and went to his birthday party last year. The teacher mentioned that with some kids, especially those with ADHD the bar raises for social skills from kindy to first grade, and some kids have a really hard time.
Later Aidan denied to the teachers that C called him anything, I presume to protect himself. When I told him that he has to tell the truth in order for me to be able to help him with all of this, he cried saying that C just likes to make everyone afraid.

I could go on about how much this angers me, and how it will not continue over my dead body. I could write a novel about how much this hurts me from a place so deep inside, as someone this happened to, and as someone this affected deeply. I got the little me as a kid, and sometimes the pain of that hitting so close to home is so overwhelming.
But really, even more painful is the reality that this stuff may be happening to Aidan, but I cannot always be there to protect him. I know that he has to learn to navigate the bullies in life, those who don't like you, those who are angry with you, the negative and difficult people and situations that you have to learn how to deal with.
I know this, but it is so hard to feel in the here and now, especially for someone so young.
My son is growing up, and has to learn to deal with this stuff, even if it hurts him in the process. I want to swoop down like a massive eagle and lift Aidan up and out of the playground and all that it entails. I fantasize about yelling "Leave him alone!" and telling him as he thanks me that "mommy is doing her job, I won't ever let anything happen to you!"
But that is only fantasy, and I know it.
Really, I have been fighting for this kid from day one, swooping down on the big eagle when he was an infant insisting on medication for his reflux, switching doctors when his pediatrician refused an ENT referral, and changing pre-schools when the teachers were picking on him.
I did it.
I do it.
I will do it again in a heartbeat.
But I cry while I do it.
Cause it hurts.
I fight for my son, who I prayed would not have my school problems when I was pregnant. I fight on my invisible eagle so that I know in my heart I did everything I could.
The rest has to be his, in his journey to adulthood.
I guess this is growing up, for both of us.