I was talking to my sister the other night about my new life,
a life I have always wanted.
I am sharing my life with a man that I love. I have help. Support, words of encouragement and insight on ideas to make things better.
I have someone to call who can pick Aidan up when I have to work late.
I have someone to snuggle with at night when my feet are cold and I need the body of the man I love. (and he loves to snuggle too!)
I talked about how well Aidan is doing in school, how happy I am that he has this amazing teacher, and that I now live close enough to his school that I can walk Aidan to class each morning, walk back, and still have time to get ready for work.
I talked and talked about the good, the laughing, the love..but how I still feel wistful and sad at the life I left behind. The life I was used to.
I talked about not understanding the quietness of my love, of wondering if everything is okay, about struggling with my 5year old to get out the door, to get his homework done and not feeling connected yet with the parents at his new school.
I talked about feeling grief and sadness in a time when I have everything I have ever wanted, and am happy, and not understanding why I was feeling this way.
I told my sister that nothing feels normal, and that it was uncomfortable to have things so new, with so many new changes all happening at once.
She told me story about a friend of her daughters who wanted to study abroad his whole life. He finally made it to Russsia-his dream- yet he is struggling. He does not know the language, is not familiar with the culture, the food, and every day is new. He got what he always wanted, like me, but he is struggling.
It helped, thinking of my life as like a foreign counry that I need to take time to explore and get used to.
I have the dream.
The new language and culture of sharing my life with the partner I never thought I would have.
This is what I have always wanted.
Like being in Russia and struggling to figure out the language, when you are so incredibly happy to be there...
1 comment:
Oh, yes, I completely agree. My life is more full and blessed than I ever imagined. Yet I still look back wistfully every once and a while. I feel guilty when I do. But you are right, it just a natural reaction to the HUGE transition.
Your new life sounds wonderful--I'm so happy for you!
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