Being Done

This chapter in my life is done.
Like a good book you have read over and over, and truly cherish, I put this book away because I am ready for another book entirely.
What is this book?
The book of fertility. Of wanting to have a baby, of yearning for the same thing year after year, and feeling like it would never happen to me. My book includes pages about the difficult decision to have a child on my own, of dealing with my parents reaction at my decision, and the new skill I had to develop of doing it anyway, regardless of what they thought. My book has a chapter on my first pregnancy, which ended tragically as an ectopic pregnancy, and waking from emergency surgery being told that getting pregnant normally would no longer be an option. There were pages upon pages detailing the tearful journey of deciding what I would do next, while I grieved my loss of fertility. Then there was the journey to my first IVF cycle, the joy at the positive pregnancy test, and the details of my sometimes difficult high risk pregnancy. The best chapters were about my joy, my sweet baby boy Aidan who was born early, after a long labor.. so beautiful and worth everything I had to endure to get him here. I never thought it would be possible to be a mother, and here he was.
A few years later, the chapters were about me wanting another, which ultimately resulted in me meeting my sweet boyfriend, and the details of our relationship as it has progressed slowly the past year and a half.

My journey of fertility and baby making came to an end because having those organs was becomeing so painful and uncomfortable for me the past year. I had surgery on Tuesday to finally make me feel better. Surgery to remove the offending body part, and equipment placed on my uterus which would banish permanently the very lining which was once so crucial in cradling an early embryo.

No longer.

This book of my journey of fertility to motherhood is being put back on the shelf, for someone else to pick up and read, for someone else to feel and want so badly that they would do anything.

My book is done finally, and it feels wonderful. Time to see what the next book has in store for me, Aidan and my boyfriend.
Wow.