So Ironic

I have been having some issues with my period recently. Not the kind of periods you use in a sentence, the kind that for me is occurring every 2 weeks! It appears I may be in peri-menopause.
Saw my OBG yesterday.
Her orders:
-Progesterone level in 1 week
-Ultrasound 1 week after Aunt Flo comes.
-Charting my basal body temperature, particularly after I ovulate. (she could tell I was gearing up for this)

Wow.

Charting my temps: I did that before I started to TTC, to get an idea if my cycle was normal. I remember waking up and immediately taking my temp, excited by the whole idea that I was doing *something* to ready myself for trying to have a baby. That was in 2004. This morning the phone rang. It was my sweet BF calling, like he does very early so we can chat before Aidan wakes up. I forgot to take my temp. Now I am drinking coffee.

Progesterone level: My doc thinks it is too low, and I am not building up enough of a lining after I ovulate. The last time I had my progesterone checked I was pregnant with Aidan. I was always nervous to get these results, since low levels can cause a miscarriage. Low levels can also happen when you are in peri-menopause. Such hope the last time...now such indifference. Low levels? no emotion, no anxiety, just: "what the hell are we going to do to get it back to normal so I don't bleed?"

Ultrasound: She is looking for cysts, endometriomas, and my lining. Should I see if my lining is 3 layers? Should I count how many antral follicles I have? Should I have the tech measure the lead follie? ha ha ha So strange that all that doesn't matter any more. It is almost funny that wherever that tech puts the wand, over my belly, inside me, outside me, I will know what I am looking at on the screen. How infertility and all its beauty still affects you years later, when the same tests may mean you are moving into old age.

How ironic.