We had a fantastic weekend.
We cuddled and talked and had sex. We had lots of sex.
It was wonderful.
Like a vacation I have been due for, for so many years.
I got to share it with someone special.
Who could ask for more?
It has been a month.
Thoughts swirl through my head on this glorious Thanksgiving.
Thankful thoughts, for my family, my job, my friends, and most importantly,
my son.
I realized today that having Aidan, my sweet little one, who brings me so much joy,
could potentially be the downfall of a relationship just like wanting one so badly.
It may not be the pressure any more.
It may not be me wanting something so badly-it may be him, my sweet Aidan
and that someone like my friend may not want to be an instant father.
It just may be that a lot of older men may not want this role.
Decided a long time ago it was not for them.
This is inside the crevasse I mentioned in a previous entry-the one I have to sep over willingly as I pursue a relationship with my friend.
I do not want to be thinking about this after only a month,
and I am sad I am.
I want to enjoy my time and have fun, but every once in awhile (like today)
the fear creeps in.
I will not know in a month, or maybe even 6 what time could bring for me and my friend.
I just have to wait and see.
Could I be wonderful enough for a man who has a grown child all ready,
who no longer wants children,
me who has a toddler
to keep?
Damn am I setting myself up for pain?
1 comment:
I know these thoughts, but from the opposite perspective. I had a child at 19 and had to worry about all the 20 something guys who certainly didn't want to be dads so soon. Many hugs. I know you know this, but if he's the right guy he'll love Aidan and not just take him as "tagalong" to you.
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