Growing Up (part 1)

When I was a kid things were difficult. For me it was not my home life that made me suffer, it was school.
School was hard for me, even though I tried. God did I try.
I had ADHD and learning disabilities, and was so young for my grade thanks to a September birthday. I always struggled with schoolwork, with the teachers who accused me of not trying, and the peers who made fun of me for being different from everyone else.
I went through a lot of therapy to work through those years of ostracism, pain, and the subsequent issues of rejection and abandonment. I worked very hard. There were a lot of tears, and a lot of growth toward becoming whole and the me I am today.
For that I am proud.
When I was pregnant with Aidan, I told my friends that my biggest fear was that Aidan would inherit my learning disabilities or ADHD. I really worried about how he would do in school, and what this would mean for him.
When Aidan was 4 I pulled him out of his preschool because the teachers were picking on him. They were being mean, and god dammit no one was ever going to treat MY child so unfaitly.
I really should have recognized it then.......
but I was not ready.
I don't remember my dear friends, some of them co-workers who tried to discuss with me that Aidan's troublesome behaviors sounded a lot like ADHD. I did not want to hear it, and so I would not. I don't remember these conversations now.

Fast forward to this school year, Aidan in Kindergarten.
About 2 months ago his loving and compassionate teacher pulled me aside to tell me that Aidan's behaviors had escalated to the point of him needing a behavior plan. He was not listening or following directions and it was beginning to affect both his school performance and the other children in his group. After 3 weeks of inconsistent success...Punishment and rewards, tears from me, from Aidan, and a lot of teacher conferences...I began to see something. I started to see a lot of things.
I confided my feelings and thoughts to a colleague, a gifted neuropsychologist who brought up getting Aidan assessed for ADHD.
He mentioned ADHD, and I actually heard it. For some reason his words, the tone, the compassionate and calm expertise he exhibited allowed me to listen, and finally hear. His words broke through my feelings and denial, making me think outside myself and my own childhood issues and see.

My child needed to be assessed.